My heart is broken with one small sentence… “The home study has been approved.”
I cry to the point of disfunction while everyone tries to distract me from reality.
I want to hold her close and take in every second we have left, then can’t manage to even look her way because each glance reminds me of what won’t be.
Soon there won’t be big blue eyes staring back at me. Soon there wont be evenings of watching her giggle for Daddy. Soon there won’t be a big gummy grin to dance and sing silly songs too.
At every thought and every glance my heart break grows deeper.
I try to interact with my family but my broken heart holds me captive.
I try to move forward and attempt to pack her things; but it’s not time. We’ve got a week or two to wait. We’ve got a week or two to hold her, love her, and prepare to let her go.
I feel broken as I think of the next week or two.
I feel numb at the thought of handing her over.
I lay down to sleep but my broken heart is unable to rest and the uncontrollable sobbing continues.
I am so very sorry. I can so relate. I’ve been where you are with a failed adoption. We went through a year of being told she was ours forever, just to loose her in the end. It felt just like my child had died. It was by far one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. My heart goes out to you & your family. I’m praying for you. It will get easier but you won’t ever be the same. We now have a little boy who has been with us 17 months and we’ve been told he is ours but I will NOT allow my heart to believe it until I see it in writting. Big ((hugs))
Thank you Sandy!
She’s our 24th and it never gets easier to let them go. Oh how many times I’ve cried out begging God to give me the ability to keep her yet my faith is so little when I’m asked to move and here we are, letting go again :’(
I hope you’ll stop by back to share your joy once you’ve got his adoption in writing. Sharing the good helps smooth through the tough times.
Appreciate you!
I am so sorry for your heartbreak. I know you’ve done it many times before but I can’t imagine it ever gets easier. Hoping you are able to make the most of your last two weeks.
Thank you Debbie. We will definatly keep enjoying her while we can. Im at least semi functioning now. Love this sweet baby! :’(
We fostered the most amazing baby girl (brought her home from the hospital) and I was so afraid they would send her back to the parents. I hid my heart till the judge said “she is yours” on our adoption day! If I could go back, I would trust that the Lords plan is perfect for us even when we don’t understand it or his timing. Love you all and will be praying!
Thank you Michelle! It’s great to hear your story. Everyone has been so sweet and encouraging today, it’s blessed my heart during a really tough time.
I can’t imagine that pain. My wife and I will have to experience it also as we are fostering three children in China right now. Thanks for sharing your experience. -Matt
Hello Matt! That’s wonderful you are fostering in China. Didn’t realize there was foster care in China (learn something new everyday). Thanks for stopping by. Would love to hear more about your experiences there.
This speaks so much to my heart right now! We are currently fostering our first child and have a court date a week from today where we will most likely hear those very words. After years of infertility, I can honestly say it’s equivalent to a miscarriage with the exception being that you got to hold and see the baby you are losing. I know we can’t and won’t get to keep them all but it is really hard when you’ve had the time to fall completely in love with them!
It is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. As you can tell from me going MIA bloggy wise sometimes it takes a while to recover from the letting go. Check back at the loss and grieving post for some help ideas. Use you friends and family as support. I will say a prayer for you Tiffany!
Just stopping back in to see how are are doing. My heart hurts with you today. We found out our sweet foster will be leaving us in July. In July,he will have been with us 23 out of 24 months of his life. We were told at the 15 month that the judge agreed to TPR and told the DFACS to file it….they drug their feet and didn’t do it. Well, at the 18th month judge blew us away and changed her mind. She now wants reunification. They are going to transition over the next three months even though mom hasn’t completed her case plan or proved she can take care of him. This is the hard part of fostering.The part I hate. Just know you are not alone. ((hugs))
Just stopping back in to see how are are doing. My heart hurts with you today. We found out our sweet foster will be leaving us in July. In July,he will have been with us 23 out of 24 months of his life. We were told at the 15 month that the judge agreed to TPR and told the DFACS to file it….they drug their feet and didn’t do it. Well, at the 18th month judge blew us away and changed her mind. She now wants reunification. They are going to transition over the next three months even though mom hasn’t completed her case plan or proved she can take care of him. This is the hard part of fostering.The part I hate. Just know you are not alone. ((hugs))
Thanks for checking in Sandy. These last few months have been a treacherous emotional journey. We had only had four months with our little one and it’s been well, words just don’t describe. I can’t even fully grasp your heartache after 23 months. I cry for you! I’m so sorry I don’t have strength or encouragement to share right now. My heart and body is battling although I feel like I’m finally moving forward and hopeful to come out stronger on the other side. Sandy your words are so true, we are not alone. We are heartbroken together, overwhelmed by emotion together, thankful together and one day hopefully we can rejoice together as we move out of the fog that can sometimes engulf us as we face such great losses. Praying for you sweet friend… May you continue to be blessed. May you find your way back to the Mountain top and forever have clear sight of His light and love in your life. Lord give us strength and comfort as we continue to love as you love. Lord hold these babies tight and keep them from harm as we release them from our arms… Amen!