Fostering is a Rollercoaster

Posted on February 26, 2012 by

You stand anxiously awaiting your turn for what seems like forever.

They call you up and you jump in full of excitement.

It starts out slow then WHAM out of know where you’re at speeds you thought you’d never willingly go.

You were told about the speed, spins and loops but it sure seems more intense now that your there.

Before you know it the world around you is flipped upside down and you’re wondering what you were thinking getting on in the first place.

You think you can’t make it through this but since you can’t exit now you just hold on tight.

You get back right-side up and suddenly the sharp turns at super fast speeds feel normal.

Your catch your breath and realize your actually enjoying the ride.

You slowly make your way back to the starting point thinking about what an awesome experience it was.

You encourage your friends to come as you head back towards the line to go again.

Fostering is a rollercoaster.

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My heart is broken

Posted on February 23, 2012 by

My heart is broken with one small sentence… “The home study has been approved.”

I cry to the point of disfunction while everyone tries to distract me from reality.

I want to hold her close and take in every second we have left, then can’t manage to even look her way because each glance reminds me of what won’t be.

Soon there won’t be big blue eyes staring back at me. Soon there wont be evenings of watching her giggle for Daddy. Soon there won’t be a big gummy grin to dance and sing silly songs too.

At every thought and every glance my heart break grows deeper.

I try to interact with my family but my broken heart holds me captive.

I try to move forward and attempt to pack her things; but it’s not time. We’ve got a week or two to wait. We’ve got a week or two to hold her, love her, and prepare to let her go.

I feel broken as I think of the next week or two.

I feel numb at the thought of handing her over.

I lay down to sleep but my broken heart is unable to rest and the uncontrollable sobbing continues.

 

Posted in Growing Through Experience | Tagged | 13 Comments

“Are you adoption motivated?”

Posted on February 16, 2012 by

I was asked the other day if we were adoption motivated.  I’ve been asked that question half a dozen times the last few months but this time it was for a different child.  I usually overanalyze that question to the point of insanity…

“What does that look like 5, 10, 20 years down the road?”    

“Is there another family that can offer more than we can?”     

“Will we be able to meet all of their needs (emotional, cultural, etc)?” 

“Where does that mean for future fostering?”

Question after question, analyzing each one literally until the point of insanity but this time was a bit different.  Without hesitation my answer was YES!  Yes, we would LOVE to adopt her!  As the words came out of my mouth my stomach filled with knots.

The reality hit of the pain that would bring to ‘our’ little girl. 

YES, we would love to have her as part of our family — today, tomorrow, for a month, a year, forever but that’s my answer.  What’s her answer?  What would be best for HER?  For months she has been clinging on the hope of reuniting with her Mommy.  She loves her Mommy very much and misses her often.

The knots in my stomach were guilt.  The guilt of me wanting her to stay when I know the best thing for her would be to reunite to a strong, healthy and renewed Mommy.  The thought of telling her she would not be going home, the amount of heartbreak that would bring to her.

The thought of that heartbreak makes me want to cheer hard for her Mommy’s team.  It makes me want to send more pictures so she is reminded of why she needs to work so hard.  It makes me want to send more updates of how she’s doing with encouraging notes of how much her daughter loves her.  It makes me set aside the heartache letting her go would bring us.  It reminds me to desire what’s truly best for her.

 

After all isn’t that what foster care is about… helping these families face their challenges so that they can reunite as a strong, healthy, functioning family?

I know that if it comes to adoption we would feel extremely blessed to have her as a forever daughter, but I’m not so certain that our joy won’t be overtaken by the sadness loosing her Mommy would bring to her life.

Are we adoption motivated?  Our answer… Only if it’s truly what’s truly best for the child.  Until the judge determines that, we will stand with ‘our’ little girl in the hope that her Mommy can become the Mommy she needs her to be.

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Adoption Assistance Webinars… Register Today!

Posted on January 30, 2012 by

I just saw a post on the NFPA facebook page that the North American Council on Adoptable Children is hosing two FREE webinars.

I clicked on through and quickly registered for the January 31st webinar.  This session is for prospective adoptive parents seeking information about eligibility, benefits, taxes, etc regarding adoption.  It will also include information for adoptive parents seeking information for adjustment of their child’s benefits.

Join me in attending…

Adoption Assistance Benefits and Eligibility Webinar
Tuesday, January 31, 2012; 2:30 p.m. CST

 

 

Also, Tuesday, February 7, 2012; NACAC is hosting an Adoption Assistance Advocacy Webinar.

If your passionate about advocating for children in foster care and the families stepping up then this webinar may be the one for you.  In this NACAC webinar they will be speaking about how to best advocate when adoption assistance is threatened as well as how to be an advocate in maintaining or growing adoption assistance programs.

For more information on the webinars, visit the National Foster Parent Association Blog.

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Children are a gift from God!

Posted on January 19, 2012 by
Someone who is an important part of my life brought up the subject of children being gifts from God.  Not a problem, of course they are.  Well, I was shocked to find out this person doesn’t believe children are a gift from God.

 

WHAT?????  I thought.  My heart sunk in total disbelief that they would argue against such a thing.  Those words offended me beyond measure.  Not just for myself but for my children.

No matter how they come into this world.  No matter what parents they are born to.  No matter what circumstances that are brought into.  No mater what each child is a gift from God!!!

You argued… These parents don’t deserve a gift.  That God would never give those who have sex outside marriage a gift.  You say God would never give those who live a life filled with sinful, addicted and abusive behaviors a gift.  I disagree!

Is your life without sin?  Are you perfect in the site of God without His son’s blood to cover your sin?  No your not!  None of us are!  Each of us have sinned and fallen short.  God gave his son, His precious child for us.  We didn’t deserve Christ.  We didn’t earn that gift.  That is grace, which is a gift from God.

He allowed His son to come into this world and die on a cross for us, to wash away our sins so why do you think He wouldn’t give the gift of a child to a drug addicted mother or an unmarried couple?

I don’t know God’s plan and I’m not going to pretend I do, but I do know that He is a gracious God (James 4:6).  That He in every day and every way is blessing us beyond anything we deserve.  I know that He has a perfect plan (Psalm 18:30) and that He can use all things for good (Romans 8:28).

Imagine a baby born to a drug-addicted mother.  It didn’t come into this world under the world’s view of ‘perfect’ or even ‘good’ circumstances.  Maybe for some reason God’s gift of this precious child doesn’t awaken this mother’s heart to Him immediately but what if this child is part of her redemptive story.  What if the gift of that child gives her a glimpse of His love that continues to grow in her heart.  Then gives an adoptive couple a glimpse of His faithfulness.  What if eventually that same drug addicted mother pulls out of her fight with addiction and ends up preaching the gospel to others who have been where she once was. 

What about the change in the mother’s heart?

What about all those she shared Christ’s love with once she was set free from addiction?

What about the testimony of the adoptive couple and God’s faithfulness in providing a child for them?

What about that child…

What about that child’s testimony to the world? 

What about the child’s purpose and plan? 

What about how God can use those circumstances to equip the child to all He has called that child to in this life? 

What about all who come to Christ through HIS GIFT OF THAT ONE CHILD?    

I have had my life changed by the gift of a child and then again by twenty-seven more.  I didn’t deserve a child.  I didn’t earn the right to be a mother.  I didn’t earn or deserve those gifts but He touched my life and changed my heart with each child.  They are gifts to their biological parents, to me and to the world.

My children ARE gifts from God!  No matter how they were conceived, No matter the circumstances that came to me from…

MY children ARE gifts from God!  ALL children ARE gifts from God!

 

“Children are a HERITAGE FROM THE LORD, offspring a REWARD FROM HIM ” Psalm 127:3

“And he lifted up his eyes, and saw the women and the children; and said, Who are those with thee? And he said, The children which GOD HATH GRACIOUSLY GIVEN thy servant.”  Genesis 33:5.

“They are my sons, whom GOD HATH GIVEN ME in this place.” Genesis 48:9.

“I took your father Abraham…and multiplied his seed, and GAVE HIM ISAAC.” Joshua 24:3.

“Behold, I and the CHILDREN WHOM THE LORD HATH GIVEN ME ….”  Isaiah 8:18

Posted in Answering 'The Call' | 2 Comments

LHN: Braiding Basics… How to braid (corn roll) hair

Posted on January 13, 2012 by

At times, do you ever stop and wonder why God has called you into ministry? (yes, being a foster and or adoptive parent is a form of ministry) Out of all His saints, why did he appoint you and your family to do this specific task?

I have come to the realization a few years back that this life is NOT my own; we were made by God, for His will and His purpose alone.  At first, I just didn’t get it; why was God always sending a young lady into my (what I thought was mine) life?  Seemed like every time I turned around there was young lady looking for me to mentor them for some strange reason…  I thought to my self, “Why”.  I mean, what did I have to offer….really?  Then it hit me…the young ladies that God was sending my way needed guidance on how to be a what I call a “Lady of Purity” and since He delivered me and set me free from that diva-ish mind set, He could finally use me.

The simplest things we take for granite like how to dress modestly, how to carry your self in public, how to comb your hair, personal hygiene tips, how to speak with Godliness…..The things we assume a young lady should know or should have already been taught.  If they don’t have a Godly women as an example then who is their example?  Who are they following, who are they learning from or what are they learning from?  Who is taking the place of a mother in some of these young ladies hearts?  At times do you catch yourself looking at a young lady wondering why she’s dressed that way or why is she acting like that?  Could it be the secular music artists or the girls on America’s Top Model that we’re releasing our young ladies to learn from?  What are they teaching them?  Maybe we should take less time criticizing and more time praying for them or better yet, taking time to mentor and minister to them.

I said all that to say, that’s what my task was…yes, I finally submitted and said, Ok Lord, I’m all yours.  Since then He has sent me some many young ladies and now women in the faith.  I just pray Christ continues to lead me and guide me, ordering my steps, I pray that when they see and hear me that they’re really seeing and hearing Christ.  I died to myself and I continue to mortify the flesh…and die daily.

A week before Christmas, God kept placing one of my students on my heart.  She too was adopted by a wonderful family and is blossoming onto a beautiful young lady.  She’s a pretty girl with a smile that can light up any room but she desperately needed her hair done.  Of course God intervened and with the permission of her mother, we went to get her hair done.  Below are some before and after pictures and be sure to check out the “how to” clip on braiding.

Before…

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MCMu9BN1to]

After…

 

 

 

 

 

After she saw he finished results, all we saw was her pearly whites! Lol!  Nothing but thank you’s flowed from her voice.  No sweetheart, that wasn’t me..that’s the God in me.  In the words for Todd Friel, “Until tomorrow…God serve your King”!

at-His-service,

Life, Hair, Nutrition

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Filing taxes as a foster family

Posted on January 11, 2012 by

 

Well it’s tax time again.  Our first year as foster parents, we were a bit unsure how to file.

Do we claim the subsidy as income?

Can we claim our foster children as dependents?

Can we write off childcare expenses?

Thankfully our agency sent out letters answering some of our questions.

We were informed that we did not have to pay taxes on the child’s subsidy checks from the agency.  They also let us know that we could claim any of our foster kiddos who had been in our home longer than six months (or six months and one day).  Great news but even better news what that claiming the kiddos also meant that we could write off their childcare for that year. 

Now think back to January 2008.  If you felt a small earthquake it was probably me dancing around by my mailbox with the letter in hand.  Oh, don’t we all love stuff we can write off at tax time!

We have filed the last several years under those same guidelines and never had an issue.  Okay well, minus a minor hiccup in 2010.  The IRS had flagged our claim because four children, with four different last names that were also different children from the year before understandably triggered an alarm on their end.  Thanks to our wonderful CPA it was an easy clarification and the IRS was satisfied.

So fast-forward…   we are now in the 2011 tax season as we close out the past year. 

As a member of the NFPA I received a link to their 2011 Tax Guide.  I logged in I began to read through it.  Wow, was it full of great and easy to read information.  Thank you NFPA!

I learned several new things I wished I had known before.  What you say?  Well, did you know…

Parents who adopt children with special needs get the full $13,360 adoption tax credit, even if actual expenses were less.

Foster parents may be able to deduct some of the costs of being a foster parent as a charitable contribution.  Example of this would be, unreimbursed out-of-pocket expenses to feed, clothe, care for and transport the foster child.   Sure wish I had kept records and receipts to deduct under the charitable contribution deductions, but there is always next year.

This year also brought up a new question when preparing our taxes.

What if a foster child who is born during the last six months of the year is moved straight from the hospital to your home and remains there the rest of the tax year?  Can you claim them as if you would a biological child who was born at any point in the year?

Here’s what I understand thus far from what I can read on the IRS site…

The qualifying child test states:

“The child (*eligible foster child) must have lived with you for more than half of the year.*2”

** An eligible foster child is an individual who is placed with you by an authorized placement agency or by judgment, decree, or other order of any court of competent jurisdiction.  

“*2There are exceptions for temporary absences, children who were born or died during the year, children of divorced or separated parents or parents who live apart, and kidnapped children.”

So from what I’m reading, I believe our newest addition will qualify as a dependent.  Our CPA will be double-checking before filing that way but we’ve already asked her caseworker to file for her social security number so that we have it ready if we can in deed claim her as a dependent.

Thank goodness for our wonderful CPA and NFPA for their 2011 Foster Parent Tax Guide!  Taxes are one thing I’m glad to have someone else handle.

 

What lessons have your learned when filing taxes as a foster family?

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A baby to love

Posted on January 4, 2012 by

Fostering and adoption teach us a lot about love.  Unconditional love, sacrificial love… real LOVE.  Loving these children wholeheartedly even when we know we will likely face heartbreaking loss.   Loving His children and completely and trusting Him for when we are called to let ‘our’ kiddos go.

I’m sure it has to be harder letting go when you are trying to form your family completely through adoption. I have had several friends who are on that path right now.  One of them has loved and released five kiddos.  When I asked her how she gets through the loss here is what she had to say…

“I prayed asking for a baby… when fostering became an option, I thought God is putting this baby in my arms. How could I say no? No I wont care for You’re child God. Of course I would care for His child. As far as when they leave, it is not a loss it is God’s will. I will feel proud to have been honored to be entrusted with His child for a short time or for a lifetime.  You said yourself, the love we receive far out weighs the feeling of loss when they leave. It is not about “me” it is about God using me to provide for His child.” 

She is an amazing woman of faith and He is using her to bless so many children.   Although she has release five kiddos she is currently the proud foster mommy of a beautiful baby girl.  She knows the risks but she has her heart in the servant spirit and she handed the rest all over to God.  She opens her heart and her home over and over again trusting in the Lord who has provided exactly what she asked for “a baby to love”.

 

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Celebrating Christmas

Posted on December 23, 2011 by

 

The Christmas season can be quite tough for kids in foster care.  We’ve defiantly had our emotional moments as we came through Thanksgiving and now enter into Christmas.  I found a few excellent posts I’d like to share on how to help you foster kiddos through the holiday season…

 

As much as we need great resources such as these to help us better understand ‘our’ kiddos feelings and advise us as to how to help them through the sometimes tough holiday I’d like to take this opportunity to share more on Christmas traditions and celebrations.

I’ve seen several forum posts regarding Christmas presents for foster children, the “How much money should I spend on my foster kids gifts”,  “Where do I get gift assistance?”, “We didn’t get good gifts.” or “enough gifts” from DFPS and with all the talk of gifts there is very little talk about the ‘gift’ we should be sharing with our children this Christmas… Christ!

We have an amazing opportunity to teach our children of God’s love and the gift of His son.  It may be the only Christmas with the kiddos that will be in your home.  It has unending possibilities to teach and share about Christ and why we as believers celebrate this special season.  I’ve let dozens of opportunities of ministry slip by, however this year is different.  I want to use the Christmas season to minister to ‘our’ children and teach them the story of the greatest gift we have ever been given.

In years past, well, anyone who knows me well knows that I’ve been a bit of a “Grinch” the last few years… “Gifts, gifts, gifts it’s all about the gifts” wasn’t it something like that he said in the movie?

As we scramble and scramble, buy and buy we allow the gifts to overpower the true meaning of Christmas.  We focus on gifts and at the end of the day it all amounts to what really?

Honestly, I’ve never mastered the Christmas season.  I’ve gone full on Santa, buy-buy-buy mode and extreme no gifts mode.  My Christmas celebration pendulum has swung so far each direction it’s pitiful but this year I think we are finally on the right track.  I’m still anti-Santa, yep, get mad, tell me how horrible I am it’s nothing I haven’t heard before but I stand firm that Christmas should not be about the man in the red hat that brings presents.  Christmas should be about celebrating Christ’s birth and God’s love for us.  No matter how you spin it in most American homes the ‘Santa presence’ way outweighs and overrides Christ’s celebration.  So Santa, well he’s on my “naughty list” ;)

So, here’s where we are this year…

 

Gifts: 

I purchased a few gifts to wrap for each of the kids.  Each gift purchased with the intent to help teach them about and grow their relationship with God.  Examples of this are Christian DVD’s, bibles, workbooks, jewelry with scripture, etc.

I must admit my teen was a bit put off that “everyone else will be getting_____, ________ and ________” and she wouldn’t.  So we ended up getting something that she liked yet through all the jokes around it will remind her each day that it was meant to bring her closer to God.  So although it’s not a gift of spiritual growth per-say, it is still a good and laughter filled reminder of whom she should be growing closer to.  I don’t want to be legalistic, just want to send the right message and help grow and equip each of them.

(More on gifts at the end, yes there is a bit of fun…)

Our Traditions:

  • Display and discuss a nativity scene
  • Read the Christmas Story with hot chocolate by the fireplace
  • Attend a live nativity (This we didn’t get to do this year, but hope to pick it back up next year)
  • Pray for others:  Create a prayer chain with the names of those you’ve prayed for and decorate with it and/or pray for each person as you receive Christmas cards and send them a note you have prayed for them.  (This also didn’t come to fruition, but there’s always next year)
  • Mobile Scavenger hunt:  We popped popcorn and jumped in the car with camera in hand.  As we searched for things like Angel, baby Jesus, Star, etc. we discussed the part each held in the first Christmas.  When we found one of the items on the list we pulled over, jumped out and snapped a photo with the yard décor/decoration.  We laughed so hard as we scrambled not to get ‘caught’ as the strangers in someone’s yard taking pictures, lol!  It was a great opportunity to look at the beautiful lights/decorations, celebrate the message of Christ’s birth and make fun memories as a family.
  • And one of my childhood favorite traditions got a new spin…

It was always a tradition of my maternal family that with the ‘big gift’ you would have to solve clues to find it.  Some things (like a horse for example) are not easily packaged nor do they fit well under the tree so they would wrap a clue and we would solve the clue/riddles while running around the house/yard in suspense trying to find the gift.  This tradition was something I wanted to carry on with my family but this year I found I way to bring the Christmas message into it.

*From this point on you must agree that you will in no way share, discuss or hint to the knowledge of this tradition or the clues of this years ‘hunt’ until after Christmas.

If you agree to the terms of use, sign here_________________  ;)

…

Here are the clues for this years hunt:

1.  Wrapping the kids bible and placing it under the tree with this note…

“There are many great teachings within this book.  Go ahead and take a look.”

On the page of the Christmas story the note continues…

“I’m sure the bible wasn’t what you were expecting but today we will be using if for more than life directing.

Today it is holding a simple clue, so listen carefully so you can figure out what you’ll need to do.

…

As you’ll see on this page along time ago Joseph and Mary used a donkey to travel to Bethlehem.  It took many days, the journey was far. 

We no longer travel by donkey, instead we now travel by ________.” 

2.  This clue will be on the car…

“You’ve done such a great job figuring out your clue to the car.  Next time we won’t have to go quite so far. 

We will be moving towards something shiny and bright.  It’s the same thing that guided the wise men to Bethlehem that late December night.”

3.  This clue will be on or behind a star we have on the mantle…

“This is what the wise men found in Bethlehem, our very special gift.  I’ll give you one more clue in case you didn’t catch my drift.

Our special gift from God above was the ultimate gift to show us his love.  The gift was found lying in a manger of hay and is the reason why we celebrate Christmas day.”

4.  This clue will be underneath the baby Jesus of our nativity scene…

“Baby Jesus is the greatest gift of all, better than anything we could ever buy from the mall. 

He came into this world with a humble beginning and died on the cross to erase all of our sinning. 

I pray we always take time to remember, the gift we received that night in December. 

God loves each of you so much that he gave you the gift of His son.  Now to add a little bit of fun I must tell you now the gift giving is not quite done. 

I know life is not always peaches and cream but God’s got a plan and He can redeem. 

He only wants what is best for us, just look around at how much he blesses us.

Sometimes you may feel like your stuck in a maze, just trust Him and walk with Him all of your days. 

Remember He’s faithful in all things, Yep, He’s done it again, but the best gift He gave us will always be the one that erased all our sin.

With God things are never out of reach or to hard, he’s blessed us with a reminder that now sits in the yard.”

As they are reminded of the best gift they will find their way to the ‘big gift’ that’s something fun for the whole family.

Thank you Lord for the gift of your son, for loving us, for opportunity to share your message and to love those you have placed in our lives.  May each of us honor you in our Christmas celebrations and beyond. Amen!

Wishing each of your families a blessed CHRISTmas!!!

Posted in Growing Through Experience | Tagged | 4 Comments

Newborn Days…

Posted on December 21, 2011 by

There’s just nothing quite like an itsy-bitsy.   They are precious gifts from the all mighty creator.  They renew your heart with dreams, joy and awe.  Even in your most exhausted moment its easy to see the miracle before you.

We have been in all out survival mode these last few weeks as we welcomed in ‘our’ daughter into this world and our home.  We are in the newborn days.  Our days and nights run together.  I’ll be the first to admit I am a much happier Momma with uninterrupted sleep.  The sleep deprivation that comes with 2hr feedings on top of your already bustling life can take a tole on anyone.

Most expecting parents have a support system that rallies around them as they welcome their new little one into the world.  Family and friends who have held baby showers, prepared meals, ran errands, cared for the baby while mom recoups on her rest but for foster parents often that is not the case.  We welcome ‘our’ sweet babies into the world while still running 110 miles an hour at our typical day-to-day routine.  We are still have to run out and buy everything the baby will need, maintain a clean home, prepare meals, chauffeuring our older children to and from school and other activities all on our new sleep schedule of an hour here and there and for many even continue with full time employment.   All this, when our number one focus should be bonding with and helping ‘our’ babies adjust through whatever circumstances brought them into our homes.  When all you want to do is take in each sweet breath of your baby your required to be in non-stop mode.

I can tell you for the first time in nearly five years (25 little ones, 3 newborns) we had a friend prepare a meal (actually two) for us.  I just cannot even tell you how truly thankful I was for her thoughtfulness.

It has been hectic around here.  I missed every breakfast for five days, I missed lunch four out of five days and well with little to no sleep by Thursday afternoon while, feeding a baby, answering the phone, attempting to make smoothies for afterschool snack, shortly after discovering both of my kindergartners where ‘star of the week’ and needed family posters to present the next day I broke and had an all out meltdown.  So I scooted my bottom into the restroom and had myself a good cry.

Even the healthiest of newborns can move a family into survival mode.  Occasionally there are healthy babies that come into care but more often than not newborns come into care because they are born to a drug addicted mother and therefore are addicted themselves.  It is so a hard to watch them suffer through weaning off of the drugs.  I recently read a post about Caring for Drug/Alcohol addicted babies by Helouise Steenkamp.

Here’s some of what she had to say…

 “Caring for drug addicted babies can often be frustrating. Once you understand some of what these babies are experiencing, however, you’ll be better equipped to meet their needs.
 
 
The Effects of Drug Abuse
It’s no secret that pregnant women risk harm to their unborn fetus when they abuse drugs. How much harm depends on the type of drug, the severity of the drug abuse, and the period of the fetus’s development during gestation. While there are of course some prescription drugs that a woman may have to take during a pregnancy, even certain prescription drugs can be dangerous to a developing infant. Alcohol can be just as devastating, if not more so, with infants often suffering fetal alcohol syndrome.
The illegal drugs of today include cocaine, crack, and meth. Babies exposed to these and other drugs often spend longer amounts of time in the hospital immediately after birth, and many experience lifelong health problems.
 
Drug addicted babies can exhibit a variety of symptoms. Because of this, many adoptive and foster families hesitate to take on the care of a drug addicted baby.
 
 
Symptoms of drug addicted babies include the following:
  • Low birth weight
  • Disturbed sleep patterns
  • Hyperactive
  • Low frustration tolerance
  • Easily startled
  • Easily woken
  • Irritable
  • Poor feeding habits
  • Rapid heartbeat
  • Excessive sudden movements
  • Urinary tract defects
  • Impaired motor skills
  • Delayed social skills
  • Behavior problems
Taking Care of Drug Addicted Babies
Babies who are drug addicted may have difficulty bonding with a foster or adoptive parent initially. In many cases, these parents don’t know how to respond to a baby’s rejection or irritability. They perceive an infant who won’t make eye contact or who seems to become more distressed when held as one who needs more alone time, but this can often exasperate the situation.
 
 
Patience is the key to taking care of these children. Once parents realize that these behaviors are essentially normal for children who have been exposed to drugs during pregnancy, they can begin to overlook their babies’ reactions and continue to provide lots of love and affection. Slowly and surely, a baby will become more acclimated to this loving treatment.
 
 
 
 
 
 
How should you care for a baby who has been exposed to drugs?
  • Try to remain calm. Even though your baby may have numerous melt-downs throughout the day, react in a calm, soothing manner. If you have to have your own melt-down occasionally, do it behind closed doors away from the baby.
  • Try to head off trouble. You’ll soon learn the signs that your infant is about to lose it. Common signs to watch for may be agitated movements, eye aversion, and skin color changes. Begin to soothe your baby before things get out of hand.
  • Try swaddling. This works for healthy infants, and it can do wonders for a baby suffering the effects of withdrawal.
  • Try rocking. If one type of movement doesn’t work, such as side to side, try another movement, like up and down.
  • Don’t over-stimulate. Watch for signs that your infant is becoming over-stimulated, and calm him or her down quietly.
  • Try infant massage. This is great to do when you want to settle your baby down, or you simply want to spend more time bonding with her.
Non-medical Care for Recovering Infants:
  • A high quality infant formula fed in small amounts at 2-3 hour intervals helps.
  • Use bottles that prevent air from entering the stomach.
  • Give the infant a pacifier.
  • Provide a quiet, calm, dimly lit atmosphere.
  • Touch the side of the mouth with the nipple to stimulate the infant to latch on.
  • Warm, soapy baths in enough water to cover the baby. We get in the tub with the infant for better support. Never leave an infant in water unattended or allow his head to slip under water.
  • Lavender wash– We used lavender baby wash to relax the infants and remove the stench of the toxins.
  • Bouncing motion– A bouncing movement is calming since it simulates the womb. Walking or rocking and bouncing works but can be very tiring. When a rest is needed, a Baby Hammock provides the bounce that the infant craves. It will also give you some freedom while bouncing the baby.
  • Swaddling– Wrap the baby snuggly in a large blanket or swaddle blanket. This prevents the flailing arms from stimulating the crying again. It simulates the close environment of the womb and gives support to trembling limbs.
  • Elevate the head during sleep for better digestion and breathing. For more severe digestive or respiratory problems, the Pedicraft Reflux Wedge can be used.
  • Cuddling– Hold the baby as much as he/she will tolerate. This stimulates brain development and aids in bonding.
  • Occupational and physical therapy may be needed to overcome stiffness and aid in development.
  • Provide the infant with white noise to simulate the noises he heard in the womb.
  • For Allergies and respiratory problems try an air cleaner to eliminate airborne contaminants.  Use a Air Purifier.
Finally, talk to other parents who are dealing with these same issues, attend support group meetings, and keep in close contact with your pediatrician.  These children can lead normal happy lives if given the nurture and nutrition that they need. Be an advocate for them with doctors, educators and friends.”
 
 

No matter what the circumstances, they are placed in your home to be loved and cared for.  It might not always be easy but every scream is one scream closer to being cleaned of the drugs that have ravaged their bodies and every minute they let you hold them or moment of eye contact is just that much more opportunity to help with bonding.

We are in this together; there are many of us this month, this week struggling with lack of sleep.  Many struggling with the weaning of drug addicted babies.  It is hard but you will make it through.  ‘Your’ baby needs your strength to get through this tough entry into the world.  So take a deep breath, wipe your tears and go be in awe of the miracle that God has placed before you because He has given us an amazing opportunity to love one of his miracles.

 

What have you found most helpful when caring for a drug addicted newborn?

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